So, uh, I ran 13.1 miles today.
This might get a little long. Stick with me. You might relate or be able to help.
Another rough week of running put me down in the dumps. We had an 'early dismissal' from work on Thursday and a mandatory work-from-home day on Friday. I fully planned on heading out Friday afternoon to get at least 12 miles in.
Except that didn't happen. Of course. JJ & I are solo this weekend, and I ended up cleaning out my closet in the afternoon. Then working until 10pm. LIVIN' THE LIFE PEEPS, LIVIN THE LIFE.
Saturday was out for long run - mid-afternoon wedding, early evening massage, sleeping in with my pups in THE MIDDLE OF THE BED (!!!) ... but then massage got canceled. I didn't get the message and showed up anyways (sitting through 45 mins of cross-city traffic, barf.). So I did what any girl home alone would do - busted out the beer & crappy chick flicks. While Centerstage was playing in the background, I wrote down what had CHANGED in the last two weeks. Why my running went to shit and I was pushing off my long runs all weekend.
It dawned on me.
I was intimidated. Scared. Frightened.
I don't watch movies often. Know why? I can't commit to the time. Two hours of my evening doing ONE thing? Acckkkk. I was sub-conciously applying the same time limits/fears around my runs. ACK! I also realized that I am scared for Rock 'n Roll - my first half race. How in the HELL am I going to run at 11:45/min miles when I'm averaging 12:15/min miles on my long runs? Yeah, I'm not pushing myself super hard on the long runs, but am I going to push it THAT hard in the race? Am I going to race? Or just mosey? How do I know how much I have left? I've never done 13.1 before. What does that feel like? HOW DO I KNOW. WHAT IS GOING ON. SHUT UP BRAIN.
I gave myself a Kara Goucher talk on the way to see my mom this morning.
I repeated the same talk on the way home.
I knew what had to be done.
I got home, threw off my street clothes and changed into RUNNING CLOTHES. In the words of Ben Folds "I'm gonna rock this bitch, like the bitch has never been rocked before".