Monday, June 21, 2010


Weekends are hard for everyone.  Your normal schedule is thrown out the window, you're on the road and unable to nuke your Lean Cuisine, etc.  The little things I can deal with - and prepare for - but what happens when you allow yourself to enter into Bad Situations where Bad Decisions are made? 

I put myself in two such situations this weekend.  I restrained myself more than I have in the past - but I STILL put myself into that place knowing I wouldn't be able to resist.

The first involved a loaf of bread.  Someone had crusty, delicious french bread in the kitchen at work last week, and my mouth started to WATER.   I haven't had bread in so long - I haven't purposefully removed from my diet but I just don't eat sandwiches much anymore.  I threw in a loaf of Columbia City Sourdough with my AMazonFresh order on Friday - thinking I would enjoy a slice, Mike would enjoy a nice hunk or two, and we would toss the loaf. 

Friday night, I have my one slice, without butter.  It was HEAVENLY.  Mike has a hunk, all is good in the world. 

Then, part two of this situation happened Saturday night.  A great new pub opened two blocks from my house, and I've been eager to go sit on their picnic tables, enjoy some dinner & a beer and read a book.  I set up shop, ordered my Black & Tan, and a small Fish & Chips.  I eat half the fries, and the fish minus the batter.  I'm feeling great.  I decide to order another Black & Tan.  And then another.

After three beers, I slosh home.  I'm in a happy mood, and decide that a nice piece of crusty sourdough with Butter would be a great topping to the night. 

You see where this is going.

I don't even know how many slices I had (3, I think), or how many more beers I had (2, I think) - but WHY did I put myself in that position knowing I would fail?  And feel crappy about it?  I should have stayed home, had my Lean Cuisine, and read on my deck. 

Some part of me knows that I just wanted the damn beers and the damn bread.  M & the pup had gone away for Father's Day, and it was one of the few times I had the house to myself with NO plans at all.  Part of me also knows that I tend to have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol once I get started drinking  - and I'll always have to wrestle with that. 

But part of me just wants the fight to end.  To be able to make good food choices and exercise and resist temptation without it being such a damn FIGHT all the time.

Sigh.  Need more time to work on this, I guess.

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